Don’t get it twisted, love is a very beautiful thing. Five years ago, we embarked on this beautiful journey to forever land. Its being five years of God’s faithfulness. It’s being five years of unlearning, learning, relearning and un-relearning. I am grateful for God’s Grace, Love, and wisdom through the years. I’d love to share with you five of the lessons I have learnt from my marriage experience so far.
LESSON ONE: God.
Are you joking?! You wanna embark on this journey without God? I’m sorry you can’t. Like you just can’t can’t! God instituted marriage. He knows the in and out of marriage. My husband and I did something very significant on our wedding night. When we got to the hotel room after the celebration, we got on our knees and took the communion.
We officially entered a covenant with God and sealed our marriage with the body and blood of Jesus. My husband always says he’s not the head of our home, God is. In short, we call God ‘Chairman’. We report to God, we are accountable to God.
We are led by God. We are answerable to the head (God) of the family. So, we do not act based on emotions, we forgive even when holding a grudge is justifiable, because that is what God will have us do. We make decisions based on God’s instructions and approval and that has made a lot of difference in our lives. I am certain that my marriage will work, not just because of the love I have for my husband, but because of the presence of God in our home. The success of your marriage is highly dependent on the quality of your relationship with God.
LESSON TWO: You must be Intentional about your marriage.
Love is a beautiful thing, but love alone is not sufficient to sustain a marriage. As a couple or couple in the making, work on your friendship and communication skills. This point cannot be over emphasized.
Be determined to make your marriage work, both hands must be on deck. Don’t leave the success of the marriage in the hands of one person alone. Yes, marriage is hard work, very hard work and it take a very conscious efforts from both parties to make it work. You must both be involved in every area of the marriage, don’t leave one area to one person alone.
That’s the reason you are called ‘partners’. Treat your marriage as a ministry, It actually is your ministry o. Be committed and intentional about making it work.
LESSON THREE: You are the Boss of your own happiness.
According to Pastor Mildred Okonkwo, when you are entering marriage, enter with God on one hand and your joy in the other hand. #JesusJoy. If not, you will find that your mood will just be swinging left and right, when your spouse is happy, you will be happy and when your spouse is not then you too will not. You must understand that you are solely responsible for your happiness and satisfaction.
Hence, you are advised to be emotionally stable and mature before venturing into the business of marriage; else, your experience in this area wont be nice at all. I learnt this the hard way.
LESSON FOUR: Please and Please don’t get married if you cant forgive.
It is very important that you master the act of forgiveness before embarking on the journey to forever land. Late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya always emphasized that marriage is between two forgiving partner living together.
Jesus’ love for us and his death on the cross became a reality to me when I got married. You see that person that you are professing so much love for? He/she can hurt your emotions too, and it will really hurt because of the love you have for them. When this happens, it will seem like the whole world has come crumbling down on you, but then, you must have a large heart enough to forgive and move on. sometimes, even when you are right you still need to forgive. The Holy Spirit is always there to help you in this department.
Lesson Five: Accountability
Contrary to popular option that there should be no third party in marriage, it is important that both husband and wife have at least one person who they are accountable to, either as a couple or individually.
That person whose word they hear, so that when one person has given it up, that person can step in and speak sense to him/her. Sometimes in marriage you just need to see from someone else’s view. Please, prayerfully select this person and it’s advised that this should be a neutral person and not a family member. A family member may be biased, besides after both husband and wife have forgiven themselves, forgotten and moved ahead, family may not forget and this may dent the relationship.
I hope you learn a lesson or two.
CREDIT: Aigbodesi Onoja